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Please don't get me wrong. I love Trinidadian men! In fact I have more male friends here than female friends and for me good friends are extremely hard to find so it's saying a lot. Let me further clarify that the situations I am about to address are not pointing to all Trinidadian men. There are many respectable,
humble and great men whom I look up to
and admire. Now that I've made that
abundantly clear, let me get into what annoys me:
- The demand that you must greet them when you pass them on the street.
It is the worst thing for me to be walking down the street with my thoughts on the activities of my
day and pass a man only to hear 'Goodmorning' said to me in a very demanding tone.
First off, it should be my choice whether I wish to say 'goodmorning' to you. If I choose not to
say it, this shouldn't be taken as an offence. Even if you do take offence keep it to yourself. Don't
demand that I say it even when I am well on my way. Case in point, I was on my way to class
one afternoon and I observed a couple passing a middle-aged man sitting on the ledge of a wall.
They walked by him without even so much as a glance. He said nothing. When it was my turn
They walked by him without even so much as a glance. He said nothing. When it was my turn
however, the moment I passed him I heard a very loud and fierce tone of voice directed at me
telling me good evening. I rolled by eyes and kept walking. It was a tone of voice that said to me,
"How dare you pass me without saying anything. You must acknowledge my presence!"
Again, please understand, I am a mannerly person. I greet people when I see the appropriateness of the circumstance. For instance, I walk into an establishment like a community clinic, I greet my fellow patients. I approach the teller of a bank and I greet him/her with goodmorning. A child in school uniform passes me on the street and respectfully says "Good day", I respond. I shouldn't be subjected to saying goodmorning when it isn't called for just because you demand it of me! Cah-PEESH? If it had been a male pedestrian passing him, would he be so forthright to make sure he was greeted by him? If this only happened to me once or twice I wouldn't mention it but it happens to me all the time.
2. They demand your attention even when you are quite some distance away.
This one is a little less aggressive but annoying all the same. Once again you may as a woman be
walking on your way to work or to an important appointment or engagement when you may hear
a voice calling out to you, "DARLIN'... DARLIN!" The urgency of the call compels you
reluctantly to look. When you do, you see a male stranger nodding his head your way, "GOOD
MORNING!" he yells across two lanes of traffic across a wide, noisy road. Do I know this
person? You ask yourself confused. Nope! With a steups you continue on your way unnerved at
the 8 seconds you wasted wondering if you knew him. It is most annoying especially when you
foresee the unpleasant scene of walking through a group of men gathered on a street corner for
whatever reason. You cross the street to avoid them only to have them call out to you from the
other side of the street, "Good morning!"
My dear brothers, my countrymen, you are not doing yourselves any favours when you act this way. This behaviour is NOT mannerly. In fact it is the opposite. Imagine I am a man walking past you. Will you demand that he tells you 'Good morning'? No you won't. Then don't demand it of me. It shines a bad light on you and on other men who are more respectful of women and of themselves. If a woman says nothing to you when she makes her way through the streets of TnT let it go. You don't have to succumb to desperate acts to secure the attention of every woman who catches your eye. Apart from bringing a bad reputation upon yourself, you are also walking into sexual harassment territory. Speaking of sexual harassment, this brings me to my 3rd and final point of how men treat women in Trinidad and Tobago.
3. Cat calls can become abusive...literally.
Sooting, cat calling and lame pic up lines has become the norm within Trini culture.
We have become so used to it as women that we have ceased to see it for what it really is - sexual
harassment. Sooting - that loud hissing sound that men use to get a woman's attention. When
she looks, it is considered some kind of conquest. Most times the sooting is followed by words
describing what the woman looks like in most explicit terms. "The Adventures of Alias" - a
youtuber - does an excellent job of explaining what these pick up line may sound like in the
video below:
Now that we've been thoroughly entertained by Mr. Alias, let's return to the matter on a serious
note. I have been the victim of this scenario too many times. I will give you the most harrowing
experience of them all and let you judge for yourself. I was on my way to church one Wednesday
evening when I heard someone shout out "RAS... GOOD AFTERNOON RAS". I was the only
person on that street at that particular time so I was sure that he was referring to me and yet I
refused to turn around. I could hear the rumble of the car engine as the man slowed his vehicle
to a stop allowing it to idle in the street as he awaited my response. I kept on walking without the
slightest hint of acknowledgement. He called out to me again with the same "AFTERNOON
RAS!" I Kept my head straight and kept on walking. 'That isn't my name' I mumbled softly to
myself. He kept on calling and I kept on walking. Finally in a fit of rage I heard him utter an
expletive, "F***ING RASTA" before zooming off wildly in his vehicle.
This was totally unbelievable to me. If I had not experienced it I would not have believed that someone would go through such lengths to get attention. I don't say these things to put our countrymen in a bad light but rather to bring awareness for their benefit. Women of TnT, is it just me or is this also your experience as a woman living in Trinidad and Tobago? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.
walking on your way to work or to an important appointment or engagement when you may hear
a voice calling out to you, "DARLIN'... DARLIN!" The urgency of the call compels you
reluctantly to look. When you do, you see a male stranger nodding his head your way, "GOOD
MORNING!" he yells across two lanes of traffic across a wide, noisy road. Do I know this
person? You ask yourself confused. Nope! With a steups you continue on your way unnerved at
the 8 seconds you wasted wondering if you knew him. It is most annoying especially when you
foresee the unpleasant scene of walking through a group of men gathered on a street corner for
whatever reason. You cross the street to avoid them only to have them call out to you from the
other side of the street, "Good morning!"
My dear brothers, my countrymen, you are not doing yourselves any favours when you act this way. This behaviour is NOT mannerly. In fact it is the opposite. Imagine I am a man walking past you. Will you demand that he tells you 'Good morning'? No you won't. Then don't demand it of me. It shines a bad light on you and on other men who are more respectful of women and of themselves. If a woman says nothing to you when she makes her way through the streets of TnT let it go. You don't have to succumb to desperate acts to secure the attention of every woman who catches your eye. Apart from bringing a bad reputation upon yourself, you are also walking into sexual harassment territory. Speaking of sexual harassment, this brings me to my 3rd and final point of how men treat women in Trinidad and Tobago.
3. Cat calls can become abusive...literally.
Sooting, cat calling and lame pic up lines has become the norm within Trini culture.
We have become so used to it as women that we have ceased to see it for what it really is - sexual
harassment. Sooting - that loud hissing sound that men use to get a woman's attention. When
she looks, it is considered some kind of conquest. Most times the sooting is followed by words
describing what the woman looks like in most explicit terms. "The Adventures of Alias" - a
youtuber - does an excellent job of explaining what these pick up line may sound like in the
video below:
Now that we've been thoroughly entertained by Mr. Alias, let's return to the matter on a serious
note. I have been the victim of this scenario too many times. I will give you the most harrowing
experience of them all and let you judge for yourself. I was on my way to church one Wednesday
evening when I heard someone shout out "RAS... GOOD AFTERNOON RAS". I was the only
person on that street at that particular time so I was sure that he was referring to me and yet I
refused to turn around. I could hear the rumble of the car engine as the man slowed his vehicle
to a stop allowing it to idle in the street as he awaited my response. I kept on walking without the
slightest hint of acknowledgement. He called out to me again with the same "AFTERNOON
RAS!" I Kept my head straight and kept on walking. 'That isn't my name' I mumbled softly to
myself. He kept on calling and I kept on walking. Finally in a fit of rage I heard him utter an
expletive, "F***ING RASTA" before zooming off wildly in his vehicle.
This was totally unbelievable to me. If I had not experienced it I would not have believed that someone would go through such lengths to get attention. I don't say these things to put our countrymen in a bad light but rather to bring awareness for their benefit. Women of TnT, is it just me or is this also your experience as a woman living in Trinidad and Tobago? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.
