Constantly picking and falling for uninterested individuals? Always on the wrong end of rejection? Any bells ringing?
I was standing in a queue awaiting my turn to query the results of my final exams when I was forced to overhear a very awkward conversation between a man and woman. I can safely list it as both amusing and frustrating all at once. I knew the individuals personally and my heart went out to both of them. The guy had, for a while, been pursuing the young lady to no avail but it was the first time I had the opportunity to actually hear and see him make his move.
(Now please take note. I was not being nosey. I was actually forced to stand there and listen to everything )
As he began talking the young woman looked as though she wasn't sure he was addressing his comments to her. Then as it dawned on her that he was talking to her a frown of genuine confusion creased her forehead. He asked her a question about her personal appearance and what she did to stay looking "so good". When the answer didn't come fast enough, he proceeded to suggest the answers himself.
While he kept up his banter, all the while I kept saying to myself, "Dude can you not read her body language. It's clearly screaming LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"
She looked so relieved when it was her turn to make her query at the counter. All the while she was keeping her brief answers to him as polite as can be, she looked clearly annoyed and uncomfortable. How can people get it so wrong? What is it about some of us that cause us to be absolutely incapable of picking up on negative signals? Why was his compass pointing him to someone who, clearly from my vantage point, would never in a million years be attracted to his type?
HELPFUL ADVICE FOR "FAULTY COMPASS SYNDROME" SUFFERERS
I ask myself these questions because not so long ago I too suffered from this faulty compass syndrome (as I now refer to it). I was particularly attracted to young men who would never see me as attractive. My first signal should have been that I was the one doing the pursuing. Whenever I find myself, as the female, pursuing the male, I stop and take check of it. If a man is interested, he would do the pursuing and not the other way around. The guys I pursued were genuinely nice guys and didn't want to hurt my feelings so their hints were so subtle, but look at it this way. If within six months of knowing him, he has not asked you out or tried to spend time any time with you apart from work, church or through whatever club or organization you are associated, then he's never going to ask you out. To be on the safe side, I'll say keep your options open with him for up to a year, but let him do the pursuing while you lay low and observe (and by lay low I mean don't call him and don't constantly try to spend time with him when he keeps turning you down).~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As a man who pursues the woman, there are many signs that she is not into you. Please don't tell yourself "I love her and therefore I'm not giving up on this". You are embarrassing yourself and the woman you presume to love. Allow her reactions to guide you. If you cannot read body language (some of us in normal circumstances can but when it comes to matters of the heart, we become blind to the most obvious of signals) please interpret her myriad of excuses as a polite way of saying "NO THANK YOU".
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I am not on expert. This is simply my advice from my perspective and my experience. All the same I urge you to proceed cautiously. I know there are many books and actual so-called experts out there who may advise differently. Just remember that the advice I am giving is from actual experiences I've had and the ways I've come to learn from these experiences.
Lastly, don't give up on love. The right person for you is out there. Opportunities present themselves all the time. Be observant and allow true love to take its course.
